by Chason Gordon
- The Capitol Hill Times -
I’ll be honest, I really wanted to title this article, “The Capitol Hill Times is Giving Away Seahawks Tickets!” but that would have been a lie, in addition to irresponsible.
Yes, we are in the midst of Seahawk fever, which, like regular fevers, can involve vomiting, but for completely different reasons. The city is of one mind, of one heart, of one big toe (?), focusing all of their hopes on the glory of victory. I appreciate this time not only for the excitement, but because playoff fever has given us a much-needed break from the things that we normally talk about ad nauseum, like bike lanes and density and all those things that aren’t football.
As someone who passionately trash-talks during sports and board games and tickle fights, I’m overjoyed by the rhetorical back and forth between the Seahawks and the 49ers, and at the building tension between the two cities that will inevitably culminate in some sort of land and sea war.
The Seahawks certainly added chocolate chips to the cookie (I’m trying to replace “fuel to the fire”) by excluding California billing addresses from purchasing tickets for Sunday’s game at CenturyLink Field, a practice also used by the Denver Broncos for their upcoming home game against the Patriots. Out-of-state sales were limited to addresses in Oregon (nice coast), Idaho, Montana (I once saw a bear in Montana!), Alaska (haven’t been to Alaska), Hawaii (nor there), as well as Alberta and British Columbia. It would have been funny if the Seahawks just limited the sales to Alberta and British Canada, so that we could get a stadium full of Canadians going, “Oh, this is much better than the Canadian Football League.”
While 49ers fans may still purchase tickets on the “secondary market,” whatever the hell that is, they were still miffed about the whole thing, attributing the move to poor sportsmanship or what not. I think 49ers fans got off easy. Why let a single one of them into the building? What if that one voice cheering for the other side saps the Seahawks’ confidence? You never know. Without a single opposing fan there, CenturyLink Field would reach total enthusiasm capacity. Perhaps that’s why we lost the crowd roar record – we were letting non-Seahawks fans in.
If we do let 49ers fans into the stadium, they should be placed inside clear, soundproof boxes that prevent anyone from hearing their traitorous cheers, or, even better, we design a machine that changes their 49ers chants into Seahawks chants, so “Let’s go 49ers!” instantly becomes “Russell Wilson is my god!” Something like that.
This gamesmanship has even entered the cutthroat world of billboards, otherwise known as highway pop-up ads (why do billboards still exist?). To avoid Seahawks fans losing their temper while driving to the game, Clear Channel Outdoor is only allowing pro-Hawks billboards within a two-mile radius around CenturyLink Field. Ambiguously supportive billboards are still allowed, including things like “I just hope no one gets hurt” and “Let’s have fun!” and “I am neither for nor against the Seahawks.”
Though I know of no one who’s seen it, there is a pro-49ers billboard above Interstate 5 near Milton, which is about 30 miles south of Seattle. Legend says that once you look at the billboard, you only have 10 seconds to live, mostly because you’re not looking at the road. Who’s to say what impact that billboard will have on Seattle’s team spirit? I don’t mean to start controversy, but I don’t think that anyone from Milton should be allowed to buy tickets either. They’re tainted by the sign, and can’t be trusted to cheer sufficiently at the game. (Don’t tell them I said that.)
Let us take this time to appreciate the community coming together, and marvel at everything that this wonderful team has accomplished. Whatever happens on Sunday, the Seahawks can forever count on my support, until a hockey team comes to town. Then I’ll probably drop them.
On twitter @chasongordon