The crowd roar heard ’round the world
12:03 am September 19th, 2013
by Chason Gordon
– The Capitol Hill Times -
You definitely wouldn’t have heard a pin drop at CenturyLink Field on Sunday during the Seahawks-49ers game, unless it was a really big pin, and fell from space or something. You would have heard that pin. And, I suppose that if thousands of pins had rained down over the stadium, smashing against seats and cutting fans, you would have heard them as well. What I’m saying is that a single average-sized pin falling from a reasonable height, and hitting nothing special in particular, would certainly not have been heard. Look, I need to move on from the pin thing. Please stop bringing it up.
Yes, it’s official, I am a great guy. But, more importantly, Seahawks fans are now the loudest in the world. On Sunday, the 12th Man shattered the Guinness World Record for loudest crowd roar, previously set by fans at a soccer match in Istanbul (why would anyone cheer during a soccer game?). The 68,338 fans registered a record-breaking 131.9 decibels on the sound thingy after Michael Bennett sacked 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick, who would probably lose if he entered the Seattle mayoral race. We weren’t finished impressing the nerds from Guinness, however, as fans also registered a brain-exploding 136.6 decibels after Marshawn Lynch strolled into the end zone like a man without a care in the world. Take that, Istanbul.
Exactly how loud is 136.6 decibels? To put it in context, a chainsaw is 100 decibels, a jet plane is 150 decibels, my editor yelling at me is 195 decibels, and your grandparents having sex is 340 decibels. So, we were louder than a chainsaw, but not as loud as your grandparents having sex. Imagine how loud we could have been if each of the 68,338 fans were holding chainsaws! (While watching your grandparents have sex – sorry.)
Seahawks fans have a long history of being loud. In 1989, during a game against the Denver Broncos at the old Kingdome, they made so much noise that Broncos quarterback John Elway complained about not being able to direct his plays. The fans only grew louder with each 5-yard penalty levied for excessive crowd noise (referees don’t really call that one anymore). Things went even further on January 8, 2011, when Seahawks fans made so much noise come out of their faces that the Pacific Northwest Seismic Network actually registered a seismic event (not going to make a fart joke here).
Naysayers love to attribute the loudness to the acoustics at CenturyLink Field. They say that Seahawks fans aren’t really that loud, we simply have a stadium that makes a whisper sound like a rebel yell. Granted, the stadium is equipped with cantilevered decks that bounce the sound back onto the field, and yes, the seats have built-in Shure microphones and Peavey speakers, and yes, we do pipe in live feeds of crowd noise from other football games occurring across the country, but, I’m sorry, I’ve lost my point.
Perhaps the loudness is due to the Seahawks fans’ inherent superiority. We know that loud noises are great for getting your way! You yell to win an argument, honk your horn to make traffic move faster, and scream to scare off a mouse. A loud noise indicates passion and awesomeness, and lets the listener know that you may even resort to violence, though you’d prefer not to be called on it. Noise wins games. Opposing teams have all sorts of trouble with our loud team spirit, committing false starts, failing to hear the play, and not having their trash talk reach anyone. Besides, how is an opposing team going to catch the ball when their ears are bleeding? Exactly.
Some studies have claimed that there’s no link between a loud crowd and athletic performance. Nonsense! You have to remember that “studies” are conducted by “scientists,” and scientists, generally speaking, are terrible at sports. When people are terrible at something, they love to marginalize it to make themselves feel better, which is what I’m doing with science right now.
Of course, we have to get louder. It’s essential to remain vigilant because challengers will keep coming in an effort to unseat us. Do you think that the East Coast-based sports media likes reporting that Seattle has the loudest fans in the country? They look at the Seahawks the same way that you probably look at the Toronto Blue Jays, which hurts me, Seattle, because I’m Canadian.
Steps must be taken to ensure our dominance. No more kids at games. They’re small and can’t yell loud. Every attendee needs to demonstrate how loud they can cheer before entering the stadium. When the game starts, we will release various tigers to induce screaming, and then we’ll release bears so that the tigers scream as well. We must push the limits of sound until the ultimate day when the cheering is so loud, so vibrating, that it collapses the entire stadium. That will truly be a glorious moment for all to watch, which I’ll be doing, from home (I’m not dealing with traffic). Go Seahawks!