“How did it get so late so soon? It's night before it's afternoon.” - Dr. Seuss
by Kimball Allen
- For the Capitol Hill Times -
we I was running late. Our posse consisted of me, a Boy I Like, and his BFF. I forgot the Le Faux tickets at my office and so Boy I Like, being the gentlemen that he is, drove my tardy ass back to find them buried among the pile of manila folders scattered on my desk. Curtain time is 10 p.m. and the show will go on, with or without our presence.
Parking in Capitol Hill is a pain. Add a drizzle-free weekend night to the formula, and voila you find parking blocks away. True story: I once spent a solid 40 minutes roaming the Capitol Hill streets creeper van style looking for an open spot. This is why half of the Hillites are orthodox pedestrians. 10:03 p.m. Parking Brake On. Doors Swing Open. Beep-beep. Doors Lock. Hips are swinging, attitude is emoting, and perspiration is happening.
Boy I Like hates to be late. Maybe it’s because he’s in the military? Hot, right?
“Good thing he’s cute,” is what I imagined he was thinking as he was B-lining it towards Julia’s on Broadway. Either way…I was in the doghouse and for once I did not enjoy the doggy style position.
10:07 p.m. half a block away. No line in sight, shit they do start on time! Or it is a ghost town inside. This show better be worth it!
10:08 p.m. greeting us at the door is the owner asking for tickets; we find this factoid out later when he struts on stage at the end of the show. We enter into a flamboyant, high-energy, and full of color opening act that is playing out in front of a very full and enthusiastic house. You know when you arrive late to a party, and everyone is already wasted and you just can’t compete? Yea, that was us.
The result of my forgetfulness was a $30 standing room spot, in the way back of the bar. Our moods are bitchier than the queens performing. At least I’ll speak for the boys. BFF is always sweet.
“Hey what do you guys want to drink?” This is my attempt to change the queenie-tudes.
Boy I like, “I don’t want anything to drink.”
BFF,”Ummm how about a whiskey ginger!?”
10:13 p.m. I return, hands holding a whiskey ginger, a vodka soda (Boy I Like’s drink of choice), and a snarky smile. Boy I Like already has a drink in his hands. Clearly my libation peace offering was lacking in the impressive department.
10:16 p.m. Boy I like on the right, BFF in the middle, and me…the far Left. I needed a more aggressive game plan to turn this night around.
In a nutshell I use all of my charm and wit to have the incognito owner give us front row VIP seats, at no extra charge. I believe you pay $45 a person for these. We have an unobstructed view, table service and now we can finally enjoy the show spectacular.
10:20 p.m. Boy I Like holds my hand.
10:21 p.m. This drag slash cabaret show is nowhere close to what I had anticipated it to be. Yes the campy was there, yes the lip-syncing divas were performing, and yes the dirty jokes were told. What set “Le Faux” apart from the millions of other drag shows is that there was never a moment of drag in this production. Le Faux is magical; it comes with an eye-candy filled ensemble of well-choreographed dancers, fantastic costumes, swinging aerialist, and the impersonators look like the real divas.
11 p.m. More than halfway through the show I realize that we got our money’s worth.
Mother hostess Miss Jinkx Monsoon star on Rupaul’s Drag Race does not disappoint. Jinkx is truly an entertainer who knows her craft and understands the audience she is bedazzling. She commands the stage by singing live, tapping, rapping and bantering with the crowd better than most.
11:45 p.m. Standing Ovation
12 p.m. Time to go snuggle with Boy I Like.
A few warnings:
BE EARLY. Buy tickets ahead of time, they do sell out (either at the venue or www.BrownPaperTickets.com). Go to the bathroom before; it’s not easy to get out of your chair. And bring your dollar bills to show your love for the ladies.
For more information visit: www.lefauxshow.com